scrappin it.

Okay, we're scrapping some old ideas now.

As I've mentioned before, our first two days of planning were all like "Yeah! And I'll make the menu! And we'll have friends cook it instead of a regular gift! And then we'll have our homebrew friends make beer for the big day and have an open bar! And we'll have it at a summer camp and do an overnight bit and omfg, check out our totally diy wedding!"

Within a week most of those ideas were bunk. No alcohol at summer camps. No alcohol brought in much of anywhere, actually. Nobody wants to cook your stupid menu. Also, that business is going to cost way more than just going to a normal venue.

Then it devolved further. DIY is more expensive AND you have to have your wedding somewhere with drop ceilings in order to do it [editor's note: ew, drop ceilings, they are the hallmark of a gross hall]. An open bar is going to multiply the cost of this thing. Our wedding is going to be boring, 4 hours long, and expensive. We won't really be able to take a honeymoon straight away. We'll have to put off buying a house for another year or two.

If we invite So-and-So, and He-and-She, we also have to invite They-and-them, even though we've only ever seen them at parties. And we go to a lot of parties for our three huge circles of friends.

So we're scrapping it. The whole plan.

And instead we're doing a destination wedding. Because I don't care what my centerpieces are, I don't care what kind of champagne toast we have, and I haven't found a single hall that's nice enough to warrant the price, even the cheap ones. We have relatively small families and the only people we really care about all that much are our immediate families, who will definitely be in on this. We are the perfect destination couple.

Right now thoughts are to keep it in the US so nobody has to get a passport, and we think Puerto Rico for three days of the wedding, then the Virgin Islands for our honeymoon because it turns out there's a Marriott there and we have plenty of free room points thanks to Dano's extensive work travels. We'll get to spend time with our guests, a novel idea. Nobody ever says "that was the best night of my life!" they always say "that was the best wedding I've been to," which is the equivalent of saying "That was considerably less boring than I'd anticipated," a testament to how boring those things are.

While I can't promise the best three days of anyone's life, I can give them an excuse to go on vacation and I'm sure it'll be way more fun. And also, way less expensive for us, not to mention a built-in honeymoon. We'll have a party upon our return for anyone who can't make it.

Rum drinks in coconut shells, here we come.