Super cool tidbit that came my way via my matron of honor.

DID YOU KNOW?

In the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, one can apply for a One Day Marriage Designation in lieu of a justice of the peace? It's true! You can have anyone you know officiate the ceremony. It costs $25 and requires a "letter of reference attesting to the applicant's high standard of character." Psh, yeah, right, like we know anybody ANYONE would attest to good character. Additional information kindly provided gratis by mass.gov

So this is SO super cool that I really can't pass it up, but unfortunately I don't have any good ideas on a candidate. I would prefer a family member, but I don't want someone from my wedding party, or parents or grandparents. And my attitude toward the family members I'm left with really highlights how my relationship with my extended family is awkward at best (and depraved at worst), though we're probably just average in terms of wild family craziness.

I have this cousin who lives nearby with whom I'm friendly, but we're still not bestest buds or anything, we just hang out occasionally. I have a few other cousins, but nobody really cut out for that kind of thing. My mom recommended considering my godparents, but my uncle is divorced from the family and I haven't seen him since his second wife's funeral, and my aunt has a . . . tumultuous history with my mom, though in her older age she's very nice and there haven't been any incidents in years.

I'll have to see if Groom has anyone in mind in his family. Worst case we can just find a good mutual friend, though those people tend to be the (small) wedding party. Too bad we don't know any comedians or clown school graduates.

more on the music

Songs that remind me of my dad, none of them even remotely appropriate:

Jeremy by Pearl Jam. In high school he would annoyingly sing it to me every time I got in his car and substitute my name for Jeremy.
Heaven Beside You by Alice in Chains
Super Bon Bon by Soul Coughing
Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones, because I hated "the horsey song."
For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield
Earache My Eye by Cheech and Chong. It came on the radio when I was 12 or something and ever since he's made references to "hey man, that was my new record, I just bought that."
The Rocko's Modern Life Theme
The Ren and Stimpy Theme


Song I will be dancing to with my dad:

Not sure yet, I'll have to talk to him about that.


Songs I will absolutely not be dancing with my father to:

Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin
That weird daddy's girl country song Younger Sister recommended.

on our first dance

The song the Groom and I would like for our first dance: Hayling by FC Kahuna. It is absolutely our favourite song of all time, and after listening to it approximately a thousand times it still makes me cry a good 50% of the time. Also, the video is just so cool (Dan is totally into the mechanical imagery) and the singer is probably the prettiest girl I've ever seen, so even if you don't really care about the song, the video comes highly recommended.



I have a feeling our families won't really get it, but this song always makes me think of the feeling of our first summer together. Simple, clean and looking forward to the future.

For the reception we'd like to play chill electronica like Thievery Corporation, Boards of Canada, Zero 7. Is that tacky?


Music that should not be played at any wedding reception:

• Brick by Ben Folds Five
• Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead
• I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
• Lords of Acid
• Country music

Via instant messenger:

me: hey SO: when do I get my ring? my beautiful lovely fake diamond ring?
the groom: heya -- well, it's done! so, this weekend probably!

=D

on bridezillas (the show)

My whole life I've avoided movies, shows and generalized thoughts about having a wedding. I figured that until I'm actually engaged I have no business giving a shit about that stuff, because my wedding would have more to do with my partner and our relationship and who knows what that would be like til the time came? And to be honest, I didn't really think about marriage until my early 20s anyway, and I don't want to be disappointed because the fairy tale I've concocted in my head will never come true, so better not to have one so longstanding.

But now, there are no holds barred.

So I was flipping through OnDemand the other night and saw the Bridezilla show and decided to give it a go. The yelling alone gave me a headache, nevermind the actual absurdity sprewing forth, and watching this thing made me feel like "wow, I am so freakin easy-going, I didn't even know." But I get the feeling this is kind of the point, to make relatively normal brides-to-be feel like they really got their shit TOGETHER.

You're not supposed to like the brides; they're meant to be a cultural other, the people you don't identify with in your superiority and relative calmness; you can be a real bitch and still feel this way, these ladies are clearly assholes all the time. And while that might feel good, it's cheap.

I think the show would be a lot more appealing to me if they actually humanized the brides. If they at least let you like them for a few minutes before showing how reasonable ladies turn into crazy bitches right quick when they insist on the Tiffany's jewelry, the five reception dresses (no joke, this one lady needed FIVE reception dresses, I'm not even getting ONE), the seventeen bridesmaids. It would take the show from Springer to a cautionary tale: "roll with the punches lest ye look this foolish and shrill."

on the venue

The one thing I have to focus on right now just so happens to be the one thing I care very little about--the venue. I've taken a deep, in-depth look at about 15 places (and by in-depth, I mean I had my head propped on the arm of the couch and my laptop on my chest and isn't the internet great), and actually got pricing info from three of them. Each of which was promptly rejected.

To be fair, the first two were summer camps, and it is increasingly clear that our grande idea of having a kegger at a kids' place with drownable water nearby is um, completely not happening. For reasons embedded in that last sentence. The last one was Tower Hill Botanical Gardens in Boylston, which worded their contract kind of . . . offensively. You will NOT bring your own alcohol. You WILL be monitored by staff the whole time to make sure you don't bring drinks outside. It's like Sister Mary Thomas is going to be my wedding coordinator, and I don't know if I can face 2nd grade again, even if it is more like recess.

So we can cross that off my list of awesome ideas we had in the first weekend. But hey! There's a Sportsman's club with stuffed deer head on the wall!! That Victorian place that we thought was stuffily overpriced is starting to look reasonable! The sooner I admit this is going to be expensive, the sooner I can either elope or book a place and start figuring out the other details, like colors, which I'm much more interested in anyway.

almost forgot

. . . did you know that Middle Sister dated Best Man for a few months awhile back? Because if not, you should probably never let me hook you up with anyone. Ever.

I'm terrible at it.

funny story...

My engagement ring is still pending. While this is, apparently, a very big deal to some girls, I like to say that he wouldn't dare buy a gift for me without my approval first, so we're off on a good foot.

There were rumors of some kind of family stone that Dan's mother had mentioned in one of her laments about not having grandchildren, but when we met with the parents we asked if there was some stone in the family that had sentiment attached to it and the answer was, well, it was no.

But that's okay! Dan wanted to design a ring for me anyway! He found a nice family place that was great to work with and they gave him a fair price on a nice little platinum number made to his exact specifications. Saturday morning we went to take a look and it was great! Just needed a few tweaks and a final sign-off and that thing is off for casting! So this morning he stopped by the shop, gave 'em a thumbs up and a non-returnable thousand dollar deposit and I'm going to have an engagement ring in a couple weeks. At which time my engagement will feel that much more real.

A couple hours later he gets an email from his mother. Apparently, when she died, his paternal grandmother's engagement ring had been set aside for just this occasion, has been held by his uncle for the last 20 years for whatever reason, and there is an early 50s vintage platinum ring with a square diamond in his mother's possession as we speak. Waiting for my elegant little finger.

I did weakly inquire as to whether perhaps the loss of the thousand dollar deposit might be worth not spending another couple thousand dollars on a ring that is no longer needed, and was told, pretty unequivocally, that no, that was not an option. So I suddenly find myself awash in valuable jewelry.

If I wore real jewelry with more frequency, I might consider turning Grandmother's ring into some kind of pendant, but honestly, that's not really my thing. Maybe I'll wear them both on different fingers, round out the look with eight other rings and go for the gypsy look.

on bridesmaids

youngest sister: You know, I just want to say that Dan really isn't the kind of guy *I* would want to be with, but I'm glad he's good to you and I'm happy for you guys.

my internal dialogue: . . . and comments like *that* are why you aren't my maid of honor after all.

---

The bridesmaid thing was my first real pain in the ass. Young Sister is very good at knowing what "is so you" (and I really mean that), but unfortunately is studying to be a pharmacist in another state 3 hours away. And that's not an easy major. Which means that any time she's NOT studying her ass off, she's letting off steam with the help of flavoured vodka or spending time with her boyfriend (who is in yet ANOTHER state). So even though Middle Sister and I had talked about how we were both going to have Young Sister as our maid-of-honor come wedding time, at this point in time it's just not going to work. Young Sister has a lot of difficult work to do for school, is super far away, and is strapped for cash. In short, while she would be FANTASTIC at it in five years when she is out of school and has a six-figure income, at the moment, my wedding should be a low priority.

She can also be kind of a pill, which means that I knew this information was not going to go over easily for her. Even though I assured her that this is not a judgment of her as a person and that the logistics are just not conducive, I know she's hurt. Which, hey, maybe I shouldn't have said anything about her being a maid of honor years before I even got engaged. My bad.

Middle Sister confided that she was happy I didn't pick her to be MOH because she's not very good at that stuff and is taking 4 nights of classes a week next year, so she really didn't want the job. *phew*, crisis averted.

And then it's like . . . how do you pick bridesmaids? Because Maid of Honor is my closest girlfriend who lives nearby, has already been married, is my favourite "person to bounce ideas off" and I see twice a week--in other words, when it comes time to get all my shit together, she's going to be the one doing the heavy lifting because she's going to be the one I consult about everything. It would be so shitty to have her do all the work with me and then just be another person in the audience. And of course it goes without saying that I think she has a fabulous aesthetic and is on the same page as me and I'm so happy she's the one for the job.

But really, how? I always wanted two bridesmaids: my sisters. But that's not going to happen. Do I pick my favourite people? Because family aside, I have no fewer than 10 favourite people, including my already-maid-of-honour, none of them even remotely appropriate. If we all lived on the same street and all had professional jobs and none of them had any kids, who would I pick, you know?

There's the super creative, friend-I've-loved-forever in the city who would be awesome for the job but doesn't have a car and, really, doesn't have the money to spare either.

There's the funnest girl I know who is 700 miles away pursuing a PhD and is intermittently in the hospital for a chronic condition.

The dude who has considerately coached me through this relationship.

The gay guy I've known forever but haven't seen in two years.

The friend who's so happy for me who lives two hours away with two kids.

There's the friend with the excellent taste who I don't know nearly well enough to ask.

The high school friend I've been through so much with who's halfway across the country.


In the end, it's about the time we're in now. If I had to put all my friends in a continuum from favouritest to least favourite, they'd all be in the same, very high spot because I have a lot of love for a lot of people, and I'm particular about who I call a friend to begin with. And while my sisters will always be my sisters, and I may lose touch with my MOH in two years, I'm choosing a guest list and bridal party based on who, right now, in this little slice of my life, is going to be a part of this. A year ago it would've been different, and maybe a year from now it will be different even still, but we're living in the present, people.

on the cake

me: Wedding cakes are expensive, and I don't like what they taste like, and I don't want one, I want to serve whoopie pies instead because I like those and they're cheap.

mom: Oh, no. You definitely want a wedding cake.

my internal dialogue: No, I'm pretty sure I just said the exact opposite of that . . .

mom: And you can have them make any kind of cake you want!

my internal dialogue: . . . oh, even a pile of whoopie pies?

welcome to my anonymous wedding.

I'm the blogging type, and I'm getting married, and since my other blogs have no overlap with planning a wedding whatsoever, I figured I'd delegate all wedding writing to one nice, anonymous place. At first, I thought I'd put my wedding blog on my wedding website. Because then hey! Not only can my family get directions to the venue, but they can also follow along my planning process. And then we can try to use it to coordinate friends into volunteering their time for a gift. Brilliant!

Except that two weeks into the planning of this thing, my family is already providing sufficient bitching material. Alas, I am a chronic bitcher. I wish I weren't, but I am, so there you go. So this way I can actually write a candid account of my wedding planning without hurt feelings. Hooray! Here's to the countdown.