on bridesmaids

youngest sister: You know, I just want to say that Dan really isn't the kind of guy *I* would want to be with, but I'm glad he's good to you and I'm happy for you guys.

my internal dialogue: . . . and comments like *that* are why you aren't my maid of honor after all.

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The bridesmaid thing was my first real pain in the ass. Young Sister is very good at knowing what "is so you" (and I really mean that), but unfortunately is studying to be a pharmacist in another state 3 hours away. And that's not an easy major. Which means that any time she's NOT studying her ass off, she's letting off steam with the help of flavoured vodka or spending time with her boyfriend (who is in yet ANOTHER state). So even though Middle Sister and I had talked about how we were both going to have Young Sister as our maid-of-honor come wedding time, at this point in time it's just not going to work. Young Sister has a lot of difficult work to do for school, is super far away, and is strapped for cash. In short, while she would be FANTASTIC at it in five years when she is out of school and has a six-figure income, at the moment, my wedding should be a low priority.

She can also be kind of a pill, which means that I knew this information was not going to go over easily for her. Even though I assured her that this is not a judgment of her as a person and that the logistics are just not conducive, I know she's hurt. Which, hey, maybe I shouldn't have said anything about her being a maid of honor years before I even got engaged. My bad.

Middle Sister confided that she was happy I didn't pick her to be MOH because she's not very good at that stuff and is taking 4 nights of classes a week next year, so she really didn't want the job. *phew*, crisis averted.

And then it's like . . . how do you pick bridesmaids? Because Maid of Honor is my closest girlfriend who lives nearby, has already been married, is my favourite "person to bounce ideas off" and I see twice a week--in other words, when it comes time to get all my shit together, she's going to be the one doing the heavy lifting because she's going to be the one I consult about everything. It would be so shitty to have her do all the work with me and then just be another person in the audience. And of course it goes without saying that I think she has a fabulous aesthetic and is on the same page as me and I'm so happy she's the one for the job.

But really, how? I always wanted two bridesmaids: my sisters. But that's not going to happen. Do I pick my favourite people? Because family aside, I have no fewer than 10 favourite people, including my already-maid-of-honour, none of them even remotely appropriate. If we all lived on the same street and all had professional jobs and none of them had any kids, who would I pick, you know?

There's the super creative, friend-I've-loved-forever in the city who would be awesome for the job but doesn't have a car and, really, doesn't have the money to spare either.

There's the funnest girl I know who is 700 miles away pursuing a PhD and is intermittently in the hospital for a chronic condition.

The dude who has considerately coached me through this relationship.

The gay guy I've known forever but haven't seen in two years.

The friend who's so happy for me who lives two hours away with two kids.

There's the friend with the excellent taste who I don't know nearly well enough to ask.

The high school friend I've been through so much with who's halfway across the country.


In the end, it's about the time we're in now. If I had to put all my friends in a continuum from favouritest to least favourite, they'd all be in the same, very high spot because I have a lot of love for a lot of people, and I'm particular about who I call a friend to begin with. And while my sisters will always be my sisters, and I may lose touch with my MOH in two years, I'm choosing a guest list and bridal party based on who, right now, in this little slice of my life, is going to be a part of this. A year ago it would've been different, and maybe a year from now it will be different even still, but we're living in the present, people.